Welcome!

News Feed Item

Dr. Neil Clark Warren, Founder and CEO of eHarmony, Shares Ten Timeless Truths About Marriage

I am amazed at how many people stumble and trip their way into marriage—and then they wonder why their relationship grows miserably stagnant or chronically contentious. Their way of approaching this monumental decision was not done objectively and proactively.

I don’t claim to know ALL the rules of wise mate selection, but I am sure that the following ones are sound, trustworthy guidelines that will provide the best chance for a fulfilling and lasting marriage:

1. Your choice of a marriage partner is more crucial than everything else combined that you will ever do to make your marriage succeed. This principle may sound like a no-brainer, but it might surprise you at the large percentage of singles who have the attitude that says, “I just want to get married, and once I’ve got my mate, then we’ll work things out.” Lonely and worried they’ll never marry, many singles are so intent on getting to “I do” that they don’t invest the necessary time and effort to make a great decision. Most of the failed marriages I have encountered were in trouble the day they began. The two people involved simply chose the wrong person to marry.

2. Couples must be rooted in shared religious and spiritual beliefs. When two lovers are spiritually sensitive and when their lives are centered to common beliefs, they have a solid foundation on which to build a relationship. Any couple who develops their capacity to share spiritual passion becomes infinitely joined and merged. By affirming each other’s most sacred and deeply held convictions, they establish the most important connecting point of all.

3. Couples who date for two years or more have a significantly better chance of building a happy, lasting marriage. It is very alarming when two people tell me they have known each other a couple of months, and now they are ready to make a lifelong commitment. When a couple is ready to decide on something as all-encompassing as marriage after only a few months of dating, I assume their decision is long on fantasy and short on reality. It tells me that the hard work of marriage is being seriously underestimated. In fact, research shows that couples who have dated for two years of more score consistently higher on marital satisfaction than couples who date for shorter periods of time.

4. People often choose a mate to please someone else – a father, mother, or the person who is asking them to be married – but it is absolutely critical that they be personally satisfied that this is the person for them. Your decision must be made in light of your own needs and dreams…not anyone else’s. Certainly the input of friends and family members is critical, but no one can select your marriage partner for you, and you should never allow yourself to select a lifetime mate in order to satisfy someone else.

5. Divorce rates are lower for both men and women who marry for the first time at age 28 or older. Why 28? Studies show that this is the age when most people get clear about who they are, where they are going, and how they want to get there. In our society where adolescence often lasts until the middle 20s, identity formation is incomplete until individuals have emotionally separated from their parents and discovered the details of their own uniqueness. Most people under 28 aren’t in a good enough position to know the kind of person with whom they could form a meaningful lifelong attachment. They simply need more life experience.

6. It is crucial to find a person to marry who is a lot like you. For couples, similarities are like money in the bank, and differences are like debts they owe. If you want to make a marriage work with someone who is very different from you, you better have a large number of similarities as permanent equity in your account. If you don’t, your relationship could be bankrupt at a frighteningly early stage.

7. Unrealistic expectations for marriage may be the principal contributor for most early divorces. Many men and women enter marriage believing their spouse will meet all their needs and that their romantic feelings will never end. The truth is, successful marriages require an incredible amount of work, patience, and long-suffering. I have watched many marriages crumble because the couples expected life to be filled with walks on the beach, steamy love scenes, and nonstop fun. That is just not reality.

8. Couples need to know that they are capable of resolving conflicts BEFORE they get married. If a couple doesn’t know how to deal effectively with their disagreements, their marriage may be systematically destroyed. I am convinced that more marriages fail because two people don’t know how to handle their differences than any other reason. That’s why it is so vital that you and your partner assess your conflict-resolution skills prior to marriage.

9. Personality or behavioral problems will not vanish when you get married. If there are qualities about your partner’s personality or behavior that you question—such as jealousy, temper, irresponsibility, dishonesty, or stubbornness—ask yourself if you are willing to spend the rest of your life dealing with these problems. Obviously, if the person you are considering has a drug or drinking problem or trouble with sexual integrity, you should make absolutely sure that he or she has worked through the problem well in advance of your marriage.

10. Marriage is not just a contract between two people. Many people in our society treat marriage like a business agreement. When the contractual arrangement established at the wedding is no longer a “good deal,” they either alter the agreement or terminate it. When you find that soulmate for whom you have longingly searched, you will be at the beginning of a relational journey filled with joy.

Marriage provides the conditions in which we can experience tremendous happiness and satisfaction—or grief and frustration. By thinking carefully about the above points, you will take a big step toward a fulfilling future.

Dr. Neil Clark Warren is Founder and CEO of eHarmony.com. He is a clinical psychologist and the author of the best-selling book, Finding the Love of Your Life. See more relationship advice at http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/.

About eHarmony, Inc.

Santa Monica, Calif.-based eHarmony, Inc. (www.eharmony.com) was founded in 2000 and is a pioneer in using relationship science to match singles seeking long-term relationships. Its service presents users with compatible matches based on key dimensions of personality that are scientifically proven to predict highly successful long-term relationships. On average, 542 people marry every day in the U.S. as a result of being matched on eHarmony, nearly 5% of new marriages.* Currently, eHarmony operates online matchmaking services in the United States, CanadaUnited KingdomAustralia and Brazil, and through its affiliation with eDarling, in 16 countries throughout continental Europe.

*2009 survey conducted for eHarmony by Harris Interactive.®

More Stories By Business Wire

Copyright © 2009 Business Wire. All rights reserved. Republication or redistribution of Business Wire content is expressly prohibited without the prior written consent of Business Wire. Business Wire shall not be liable for any errors or delays in the content, or for any actions taken in reliance thereon.

Latest Stories
910Telecom exhibited at the 19th International Cloud Expo, which took place at the Santa Clara Convention Center in Santa Clara, CA, in November 2016. Housed in the classic Denver Gas & Electric Building, 910 15th St., 910Telecom is a carrier-neutral telecom hotel located in the heart of Denver. Adjacent to CenturyLink, AT&T, and Denver Main, 910Telecom offers connectivity to all major carriers, Internet service providers, Internet backbones and exchanges.
Cognitive Computing is becoming the foundation for a new generation of solutions that have the potential to transform business. Unlike traditional approaches to building solutions, a cognitive computing approach allows the data to help determine the way applications are designed. This contrasts with conventional software development that begins with defining logic based on the current way a business operates. In her session at 18th Cloud Expo, Judith S. Hurwitz, President and CEO of Hurwitz & ...
China Unicom exhibit at the 19th International Cloud Expo, which took place at the Santa Clara Convention Center in Santa Clara, CA, in November 2016. China United Network Communications Group Co. Ltd ("China Unicom") was officially established in 2009 on the basis of the merger of former China Netcom and former China Unicom. China Unicom mainly operates a full range of telecommunications services including mobile broadband (GSM, WCDMA, LTE FDD, TD-LTE), fixed-line broadband, ICT, data communica...
Zerto exhibited at SYS-CON's 18th International Cloud Expo®, which took place at the Javits Center in New York City, NY, in June 2016. Zerto is committed to keeping enterprise and cloud IT running 24/7 by providing innovative, simple, reliable and scalable business continuity software solutions. Through the Zerto Cloud Continuity Platform™, organizations can seamlessly move and protect virtualized workloads between public, private and hybrid clouds. The company’s flagship product, Zerto Virtual...
As businesses adopt functionalities in cloud computing, it’s imperative that IT operations consistently ensure cloud systems work correctly – all of the time, and to their best capabilities. In his session at @BigDataExpo, Bernd Harzog, CEO and founder of OpsDataStore, will present an industry answer to the common question, “Are you running IT operations as efficiently and as cost effectively as you need to?” He will expound on the industry issues he frequently came up against as an analyst, and...
All clouds are not equal. To succeed in a DevOps context, organizations should plan to develop/deploy apps across a choice of on-premise and public clouds simultaneously depending on the business needs. This is where the concept of the Lean Cloud comes in - resting on the idea that you often need to relocate your app modules over their life cycles for both innovation and operational efficiency in the cloud. In his session at @DevOpsSummit at19th Cloud Expo, Valentin (Val) Bercovici, CTO of Soli...
"We're bringing out a new application monitoring system to the DevOps space. It manages large enterprise applications that are distributed throughout a node in many enterprises and we manage them as one collective," explained Kevin Barnes, President of eCube Systems, in this SYS-CON.tv interview at DevOps at 18th Cloud Expo, held June 7-9, 2016, at the Javits Center in New York City, NY.
SYS-CON Events announced today that CA Technologies has been named "Platinum Sponsor" of SYS-CON's 20th International Cloud Expo®, which will take place on June 6-8, 2017, at the Javits Center in New York City, New York, and 21st International Cloud Expo, which will take place in November in Silicon Valley, California.
SYS-CON Events announced today that delaPlex will exhibit at SYS-CON's @CloudExpo, which will take place on June 6-8, 2017, at the Javits Center in New York City, NY. delaPlex pioneered Software Development as a Service (SDaaS), which provides scalable resources to build, test, and deploy software. It’s a fast and more reliable way to develop a new product or expand your in-house team.
With major technology companies and startups seriously embracing IoT strategies, now is the perfect time to attend @ThingsExpo 2016 in New York. Learn what is going on, contribute to the discussions, and ensure that your enterprise is as "IoT-Ready" as it can be! Internet of @ThingsExpo, taking place June 6-8, 2017, at the Javits Center in New York City, New York, is co-located with 20th Cloud Expo and will feature technical sessions from a rock star conference faculty and the leading industry p...
Extreme Computing is the ability to leverage highly performant infrastructure and software to accelerate Big Data, machine learning, HPC, and Enterprise applications. High IOPS Storage, low-latency networks, in-memory databases, GPUs and other parallel accelerators are being used to achieve faster results and help businesses make better decisions. In his session at 18th Cloud Expo, Michael O'Neill, Strategic Business Development at NVIDIA, focused on some of the unique ways extreme computing is...
The explosion of new web/cloud/IoT-based applications and the data they generate are transforming our world right before our eyes. In this rush to adopt these new technologies, organizations are often ignoring fundamental questions concerning who owns the data and failing to ask for permission to conduct invasive surveillance of their customers. Organizations that are not transparent about how their systems gather data telemetry without offering shared data ownership risk product rejection, regu...
WebRTC sits at the intersection between VoIP and the Web. As such, it poses some interesting challenges for those developing services on top of it, but also for those who need to test and monitor these services. In his session at WebRTC Summit, Tsahi Levent-Levi, co-founder of testRTC, reviewed the various challenges posed by WebRTC when it comes to testing and monitoring and on ways to overcome them.
Every successful software product evolves from an idea to an enterprise system. Notably, the same way is passed by the product owner's company. In his session at 20th Cloud Expo, Oleg Lola, CEO of MobiDev, will provide a generalized overview of the evolution of a software product, the product owner, the needs that arise at various stages of this process, and the value brought by a software development partner to the product owner as a response to these needs.
The Internet of Things can drive efficiency for airlines and airports. In their session at @ThingsExpo, Shyam Varan Nath, Principal Architect with GE, and Sudip Majumder, senior director of development at Oracle, discussed the technical details of the connected airline baggage and related social media solutions. These IoT applications will enhance travelers' journey experience and drive efficiency for the airlines and the airports.