Welcome!

Blog Feed Post

Self-confidence and self-esteem – the real way to get it

“9 Self-assuring Affirmations for When You Need a Little Boost,” need-a-boost-lady-truthboasted the headline. I clicked on it hoping I might learn something new. I didn’t. It was a series of nine little pictures with clever sayings on them. The “writer” provided no content beyond a short introductory paragraph that ended with this: “If you’re looking for a little encouragement, check out the self-assuring affirmations below. Then take on the world with the knowledge that you’re capable of anything.”

I’m capable of anything? I don’t think so. I proved that on Friday when I played basketball with a bunch of seniors and tried to jump to get a rebound. I can’t jump much over one or two inches anymore. I could affirm myself able to slam-dunk the basketball from here to eternity and it simply will not happen.

I decided to read the affirmations anyway because who doesn’t need little encouragement from time to time. As I read them two words stood out: I and ME. One of those two words was a part of every affirmation. It made me think, do we really get self-esteem by talking to ourselves or do we get self esteem by accomplishing a goal, working hard on an important project, or by helping someone in need?

So here’s what I did. I looked at each of the nine affirmations that were supposed to give us a boost and I turned some of them upside down. By so doing, I think I have made them right-side-up. See what YOU think!

The first affirmation was, “This challenge will bring out the best in me.” No doubt challenges bring out the best in us. When pushed beyond what we think we can endure or beyond what we think we can accomplish, we often surprise ourselves at what we really can accomplish, given the opportunity and the motivation to get it done.

Turn that affirmation up-sided-down and, instead of saying, “This challenge will bring out the best in me,” declare, “How can I help you with the challenge you face?” Do you see the difference? One focuses on me and my challenge, and the other focuses on how I can help someone else through their difficulty. Which one of creates the most self esteem? The one that is only a declaration about me, or the one that gets me involved in someone else’s life?

The second affirmation said, “I will see the best in myself.” Once again I understand the affirmation and that many people often put themselves down. However, when you turn that affirmation up-side-down, it takes the focus off of me, myself and I and puts it on the other person. Instead of “I will see the best in myself,” declare, “I will see the best in every person I meet today.”

Think about it: what if you said something nice to every person you met today? What if you handed out compliments to the people you do business with or the neighbors next door or the people who wait on you at the mall? It is always better to focus on other people rather than to gaze at your navel and think that by so doing you will achieve a sense of self-worth or enter into a meditative state of sublime peace.

Affirmation number 3: “I will thrive when life throws me a curveball!” Turn it up-side-down and it would say, “I’m here to help YOU when life throws YOU a curveball.” Don’t you think your self-esteem will rise when your life is about serving others rather than just serving yourself?

The fourth affirmation said, “I love who I am becoming.” Whoa. Wait a minute. Wouldn’t falling in love with “who I am becoming” depend a little bit on “who I am becoming?” I recall times in my life when I was becoming a real jerk and NOBODY loved that, especially me. So let’s just forget that affirmation altogether.

The fifth affirmation said, “I am worthy of this opportunity.” Like the previous affirmation, that would depend on the opportunity, would it not? Fact is we have all been offered so-called opportunities that were really traps or frauds or snake oil. I do like the focus on opportunity rather than the popular focus on entitlement or privilege that some people think they have because they are a certain color or age or profession or rank or member of a certified victim class.

The sixth and seventh affirmations are similar: “I have the power to achieve my goals,” and “I know I can do this.” Goals are good and the power to achieve them is within you, but I have a question for you: Have you ever used your power to help someone else achieve their goals? That might bring you a great big surge of pride, self-esteem and self-confidence, not because you achieved your goals but because you helped someone else achieve theirs.

The eighth affirmation said, “I have so many good qualities to share with the world.” Well aren’t you special! Do you see what I mean about how these affirmations are so “I, me and my” focused? They are starting to make me ill.

The ninth affirmation we are supposed to start using to give ourselves a boost is this: “I am always growing and developing.” OK great, so here’s what I recommend on this one: Grow and develop a sincere interest in other people and stop gazing at your naval. Get out of you cocoon, get involved in something that focuses NOT on helping you become all that you can be, but helps someone else become all that they can be. You will find more joy, more satisfaction, and more self-esteem when you focus on others than you will ever find by focusing on yourself.

Artist and art critic John Ruskin who lived in the 1800s wrote a sentence that summarizes the danger of focusing only on me, myself and I. He wrote, “When a man is wrapped up in himself, he makes a pretty small package.”

Read the original blog entry...

More Stories By Ron Ross

Dr. Ron Ross is a publisher, author, speaker, radio personality residing in Loveland, Colorado. He is the author of two published books and several e-books. He is the host of Tidbits Radio on 1310KFKA-AM and on CastleRockRadio.com. He writes a weekly motivational and inspirational column that is published in a variety of newspapers.

Latest Stories
"Qosmos has launched L7Viewer, a network traffic analysis tool, so it analyzes all the traffic between the virtual machine and the data center and the virtual machine and the external world," stated Sebastien Synold, Product Line Manager at Qosmos, in this SYS-CON.tv interview at 19th Cloud Expo, held November 1-3, 2016, at the Santa Clara Convention Center in Santa Clara, CA.
"Coalfire is a cyber-risk, security and compliance assessment and advisory services firm. We do a lot of work with the cloud service provider community," explained Ryan McGowan, Vice President, Sales (West) at Coalfire Systems, Inc., in this SYS-CON.tv interview at 19th Cloud Expo, held November 1-3, 2016, at the Santa Clara Convention Center in Santa Clara, CA.
In his keynote at 18th Cloud Expo, Andrew Keys, Co-Founder of ConsenSys Enterprise, provided an overview of the evolution of the Internet and the Database and the future of their combination – the Blockchain. Andrew Keys is Co-Founder of ConsenSys Enterprise. He comes to ConsenSys Enterprise with capital markets, technology and entrepreneurial experience. Previously, he worked for UBS investment bank in equities analysis. Later, he was responsible for the creation and distribution of life sett...
An IoT product’s log files speak volumes about what’s happening with your products in the field, pinpointing current and potential issues, and enabling you to predict failures and save millions of dollars in inventory. But until recently, no one knew how to listen. In his session at @ThingsExpo, Dan Gettens, Chief Research Officer at OnProcess, discussed recent research by Massachusetts Institute of Technology and OnProcess Technology, where MIT created a new, breakthrough analytics model for ...
Keeping pace with advancements in software delivery processes and tooling is taxing even for the most proficient organizations. Point tools, platforms, open source and the increasing adoption of private and public cloud services requires strong engineering rigor - all in the face of developer demands to use the tools of choice. As Agile has settled in as a mainstream practice, now DevOps has emerged as the next wave to improve software delivery speed and output. To make DevOps work, organization...
Successful digital transformation requires new organizational competencies and capabilities. Research tells us that the biggest impediment to successful transformation is human; consequently, the biggest enabler is a properly skilled and empowered workforce. In the digital age, new individual and collective competencies are required. In his session at 19th Cloud Expo, Bob Newhouse, CEO and founder of Agilitiv, drew together recent research and lessons learned from emerging and established compa...
SYS-CON Events announced today that Dataloop.IO, an innovator in cloud IT-monitoring whose products help organizations save time and money, has been named “Bronze Sponsor” of SYS-CON's 20th International Cloud Expo®, which will take place on June 6-8, 2017, at the Javits Center in New York City, NY. Dataloop.IO is an emerging software company on the cutting edge of major IT-infrastructure trends including cloud computing and microservices. The company, founded in the UK but now based in San Fran...
20th Cloud Expo, taking place June 6-8, 2017, at the Javits Center in New York City, NY, will feature technical sessions from a rock star conference faculty and the leading industry players in the world. Cloud computing is now being embraced by a majority of enterprises of all sizes. Yesterday's debate about public vs. private has transformed into the reality of hybrid cloud: a recent survey shows that 74% of enterprises have a hybrid cloud strategy.
Whether your IoT service is connecting cars, homes, appliances, wearable, cameras or other devices, one question hangs in the balance – how do you actually make money from this service? The ability to turn your IoT service into profit requires the ability to create a monetization strategy that is flexible, scalable and working for you in real-time. It must be a transparent, smoothly implemented strategy that all stakeholders – from customers to the board – will be able to understand and comprehe...
DevOps is being widely accepted (if not fully adopted) as essential in enterprise IT. But as Enterprise DevOps gains maturity, expands scope, and increases velocity, the need for data-driven decisions across teams becomes more acute. DevOps teams in any modern business must wrangle the ‘digital exhaust’ from the delivery toolchain, "pervasive" and "cognitive" computing, APIs and services, mobile devices and applications, the Internet of Things, and now even blockchain. In this power panel at @...
"We are a leader in the market space called network visibility solutions - it enables monitoring tools and Big Data analysis to access the data and be able to see the performance," explained Shay Morag, VP of Sales and Marketing at Niagara Networks, in this SYS-CON.tv interview at 19th Cloud Expo, held November 1-3, 2016, at the Santa Clara Convention Center in Santa Clara, CA.
In his session at Cloud Expo, Robert Cohen, an economist and senior fellow at the Economic Strategy Institute, provideed economic scenarios that describe how the rapid adoption of software-defined everything including cloud services, SDDC and open networking will change GDP, industry growth, productivity and jobs. This session also included a drill down for several industries such as finance, social media, cloud service providers and pharmaceuticals.
"We analyze the video streaming experience. We are gathering the user behavior in real time from the user devices and we analyze how users experience the video streaming," explained Eric Kim, Founder and CEO at Streamlyzer, in this SYS-CON.tv interview at 19th Cloud Expo, held November 1-3, 2016, at the Santa Clara Convention Center in Santa Clara, CA.
@DevOpsSummit at Cloud taking place June 6-8, 2017, at Javits Center, New York City, is co-located with the 20th International Cloud Expo and will feature technical sessions from a rock star conference faculty and the leading industry players in the world. The widespread success of cloud computing is driving the DevOps revolution in enterprise IT. Now as never before, development teams must communicate and collaborate in a dynamic, 24/7/365 environment. There is no time to wait for long developm...
Extracting business value from Internet of Things (IoT) data doesn’t happen overnight. There are several requirements that must be satisfied, including IoT device enablement, data analysis, real-time detection of complex events and automated orchestration of actions. Unfortunately, too many companies fall short in achieving their business goals by implementing incomplete solutions or not focusing on tangible use cases. In his general session at @ThingsExpo, Dave McCarthy, Director of Products...