Welcome!

Blog Feed Post

My Banned Word Holiday Rant

Banned Words

According to the US Department of Labor (www.dol.gov), Labor Day (the first Monday in September) is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity and well-being of our country.

Just for fun (and in honor of Labor Day and the people who work for a living), here is a list of buzzwords, biz speak and hipster droppings that should be banned from every business meeting forevermore.

  • Engagement – It’s not a metric; it’s a concept that can be made to mean anything you want it to mean. Using it in a sentence without defining it should be criminalized.
  • Native – This is the new “N” word. Like engagement, it’s a concept that can mean many things. Do you mean native to the technology, native to the culture, native to the platform? Or, do you mean, trick the user/viewer into believing that it’s real content? Perhaps you actually mean content marketing? Specify!
  • Big Data – Large data sets come structured and unstructured. They can be mixed and matched by data wranglers, cleaned and washed, operated on by algorithms, mined, sliced, diced and julienned (for a delightful afternoon snack). Please say what you mean. If you say “big data” in a meeting, someone may actually ask you about the data set – be prepared to answer.
  • Cloud – Cloud computing, SaaS, Cloud Storage? Which one do you mean? There are about a dozen other possible meanings. Ice cream castles in the air, clouds in my coffee… cloudy with a chance of meatballs! Just saying we’re going to do it in the “cloud” makes you sound… um… uninformed (and I’m being super kind).
  • Programmatic – Do you mean automated delivery or algorithmically planned or arbitraged? Programmatic is another cliché catch phrase that doesn’t mean anything unless you add context.
  • Learning(s) – Just stop! I learned, we learned, he/she/it learned – it’s the easiest verb to conjugate in the entire English language. Ugh!
  • Ideate – Really? People who use “ideate” clearly have no idea about the process of ideation. It should literally cost $20 every time you speak it.
  • Rock Star – Let me be very, very clear – there are no rock stars in any profession other than Rock music. Rap Stars don’t call themselves Rock Stars. Neither do EDM, Country, Soul, R&B, Jazz or even Folk Stars. Why on earth would anyone who doesn’t play Rock for a living think it’s OK to call someone in business a Rock Star? When you can jump across the stage and land on your knees while playing a Bb7#9 chord, screaming the lyrics (on key) with pyrotechnics exploding all around you in front of 20,000 adoring fans, you’re a Rock Star. If you’re great at media buying or HR… well, you get my point.
  • Scalable – As opposed to what? We’ve built a new app that can only run on three devices simultaneously, but we’re hopeful. Who says that? Even if it’s true, you’re going to lie and say it’s carrier-grade and bulletproof. Has anyone ever been a meeting where someone said, “Our technology doesn’t scale”? Body shops don’t scale, people don’t scale, boutiques don’t scale, custom donut shops don’t scale… technology scales!

Ready for the sentence that started this rant?

Client: “Our Big Data Rock Star ideated a cloud-based, scalable, native programmatic tool set that produced excellent learnings that will help us promote engagement.”

Me: “Well, it sounds like he took it to the next level… efforting 110% to craft a best practices, robust solution you can leverage, and it’s clearly out of the box thinking… but maybe you shouldn’t try to boil the ocean… it’s got a lot of moving parts and I’m not sure it’s something you want to take ownership of, as it’s not clearly in line with your corporate values. You might be accused of punching the puppy, but the optics are all wrong. We should probably put this in the parking lot.”

(I didn’t actually say that, but I really, really wanted to!!!)

By simply attributing this list of banned words to me, you will receive a non-exclusive, worldwide, perpetual, irrevocable, royalty-free, sublicensable and transferable (through multiple tiers) right and license to exercise any and all copyright, trademark, publicity and database rights that you have in the User Content in any and all formats or media now known or hereafter devised in the future. You are further hereby granted the non-exclusive, irrevocable and unconditional right and license to describe, relate, broadcast, exhibit, transmit, publish, use, monetize, distribute and/or exploit your User Content in any such manner as you shall elect, in whole or in part, on the internet, in print and electronic form, in merchandising, publicity and advertising, or in any other media now known or hereafter created or devised throughout the universe in perpetuity. Ahh… I feel better already. Have a great holiday weekend.

Read the original blog entry...

More Stories By Shelly Palmer

Shelly Palmer is the host of Fox Television’s "Shelly Palmer Digital Living" television show about living and working in a digital world. He is Fox 5′s (WNYW-TV New York) Tech Expert and the host of United Stations Radio Network’s, MediaBytes, a daily syndicated radio report that features insightful commentary and a unique insiders take on the biggest stories in technology, media, and entertainment.

Latest Stories
The vast majority of businesses now use cloud services, yet many still struggle with realizing the full potential of their IT investments. In particular, small and medium-sized businesses (SMBs) lack the internal IT staff and expertise to fully move to and manage workloads in public cloud environments. Speaker Todd Schwartz will help session attendees better navigate the complex cloud market and maximize their technical investments. The SkyKick co-founder and co-CEO will share the biggest challe...
When applications are hosted on servers, they produce immense quantities of logging data. Quality engineers should verify that apps are producing log data that is existent, correct, consumable, and complete. Otherwise, apps in production are not easily monitored, have issues that are difficult to detect, and cannot be corrected quickly. Tom Chavez presents the four steps that quality engineers should include in every test plan for apps that produce log output or other machine data. Learn the ste...
With more than 30 Kubernetes solutions in the marketplace, it's tempting to think Kubernetes and the vendor ecosystem has solved the problem of operationalizing containers at scale or of automatically managing the elasticity of the underlying infrastructure that these solutions need to be truly scalable. Far from it. There are at least six major pain points that companies experience when they try to deploy and run Kubernetes in their complex environments. In this presentation, the speaker will d...
While some developers care passionately about how data centers and clouds are architected, for most, it is only the end result that matters. To the majority of companies, technology exists to solve a business problem, and only delivers value when it is solving that problem. 2017 brings the mainstream adoption of containers for production workloads. In his session at 21st Cloud Expo, Ben McCormack, VP of Operations at Evernote, discussed how data centers of the future will be managed, how the p...
Predicting the future has never been more challenging - not because of the lack of data but because of the flood of ungoverned and risk laden information. Microsoft states that 2.5 exabytes of data are created every day. Expectations and reliance on data are being pushed to the limits, as demands around hybrid options continue to grow.
Machine learning provides predictive models which a business can apply in countless ways to better understand its customers and operations. Since machine learning was first developed with flat, tabular data in mind, it is still not widely understood: when does it make sense to use graph databases and machine learning in combination? This talk tackles the question from two ends: classifying predictive analytics methods and assessing graph database attributes. It also examines the ongoing lifecycl...
Enterprises are striving to become digital businesses for differentiated innovation and customer-centricity. Traditionally, they focused on digitizing processes and paper workflow. To be a disruptor and compete against new players, they need to gain insight into business data and innovate at scale. Cloud and cognitive technologies can help them leverage hidden data in SAP/ERP systems to fuel their businesses to accelerate digital transformation success.
Wooed by the promise of faster innovation, lower TCO, and greater agility, businesses of every shape and size have embraced the cloud at every layer of the IT stack – from apps to file sharing to infrastructure. The typical organization currently uses more than a dozen sanctioned cloud apps and will shift more than half of all workloads to the cloud by 2018. Such cloud investments have delivered measurable benefits. But they’ve also resulted in some unintended side-effects: complexity and risk. ...
Everyone wants the rainbow - reduced IT costs, scalability, continuity, flexibility, manageability, and innovation. But in order to get to that collaboration rainbow, you need the cloud! In this presentation, we'll cover three areas: First - the rainbow of benefits from cloud collaboration. There are many different reasons why more and more companies and institutions are moving to the cloud. Benefits include: cost savings (reducing on-prem infrastructure, reducing data center foot print, r...
Daniel Jones is CTO of EngineerBetter, helping enterprises deliver value faster. Previously he was an IT consultant, indie video games developer, head of web development in the finance sector, and an award-winning martial artist. Continuous Delivery makes it possible to exploit findings of cognitive psychology and neuroscience to increase the productivity and happiness of our teams.
Excitement and interest in APIs has skyrocketed in recent years. However, if you ask a room full of IT professionals "What is an API", you will get a wide array of answers. There exists a wide knowledge gap between API experts and those that have a general idea of what they are, but are unsure of what they have been for in the past, what they look like now, and how they can be used to expand your business in the future. In this session John will cover what the history of APIs, what an API looks ...
JETRO showcased Japan Digital Transformation Pavilion at SYS-CON's 21st International Cloud Expo® at the Santa Clara Convention Center in Santa Clara, CA. The Japan External Trade Organization (JETRO) is a non-profit organization that provides business support services to companies expanding to Japan. With the support of JETRO's dedicated staff, clients can incorporate their business; receive visa, immigration, and HR support; find dedicated office space; identify local government subsidies; get...
Digital Transformation is well underway with many applications already on the cloud utilizing agile and devops methodologies. Unfortunately, application security has been an afterthought and data breaches have become a daily occurrence. Security is not one individual or one's team responsibility. Raphael Reich will introduce you to DevSecOps concepts and outline how to seamlessly interweave security principles across your software development lifecycle and application lifecycle management. With ...
Bill Schmarzo, author of "Big Data: Understanding How Data Powers Big Business" and "Big Data MBA: Driving Business Strategies with Data Science" is responsible for guiding the technology strategy within Hitachi Vantara for IoT and Analytics. Bill brings a balanced business-technology approach that focuses on business outcomes to drive data, analytics and technology decisions that underpin an organization's digital transformation strategy.
René Bostic is the Technical VP of the IBM Cloud Unit in North America. Enjoying her career with IBM during the modern millennial technological era, she is an expert in cloud computing, DevOps and emerging cloud technologies such as Blockchain. Her strengths and core competencies include a proven record of accomplishments in consensus building at all levels to assess, plan, and implement enterprise and cloud computing solutions. René is a member of the Society of Women Engineers (SWE) and a m...